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When is God With Us? |
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When is God With Us?
October 30, 2002 Dear Readers, Recently, I have been absent from
The Wanted Man Website due to a health condition.
Several years ago, I awoke with debilitating spells of vertigo and
nausea. These spells began in 1995,
but became more frequent in 1999, having initially occurred once a month, then
twice a month, and finally, each week for approximately eight months. During this time, I lost 70% of my
hearing ability in my left ear and 40% in my right ear. Finally, in late Summer 2002, I was
diagnosed with Meniere’s disease, a rare condition involving fluid in the
inner ear, which can lead to total deafness.
By this time, I had lost all of my hearing in my left ear and 30% more
hearing in my right ear. Still, I
was relieved to have a diagnosis, although grim, and sought treatment for
Meniere’s disease. I often go for prayer walks through
my small hometown, and one night as I walked and prayed about my hearing loss, I
felt God’s Spirit gently speak to my heart: “Accept this, and rest in Me.” I had found a world-renowned physician
in Memphis, who performed a treatment, which had the potential to restore or
even improve my hearing, so I wasn’t sure what God’s meaning was. Rarely is the case when my husband
is out of town, especially for the evening, but around this time, Brian was
flying to Raleigh-Durham and would be away for two nights. I was especially nervous about his being
away overnight because hearing aids are not designed for use while sleeping, yet
without them, I can’t hear. Brian
and I have two very small children, who don’t always sleep through the night,
and I feared I wouldn’t hear them when they needed me. Brian had a redeye flight and left our
home at 1:00 a.m. I kneeled on my
living room floor and prayed that the Lord would be my hearing for me if my
children should wake or need me through the night. That night, I woke four times –
once to change a diaper, once to lead a wandering child back to bed, and twice
to comfort a restless baby. Each time, it was obvious that God had “nudged” me, just
as I had asked. My wandering little
boy had just exited his bedroom (and still had the pillow mark imprint on his
little face), so God had woken me immediately after he woke; and my baby was
never fussy, just stirring, so God had nudged me in the earliest moments when
the baby needed me. In the following days, as I thought
about God’s answering my prayer, I realized the significance of God’s
presence, even in the “ordinary moments” of life. I’ve heard many dramatic testimonies,
and God is certainly present during the joyous moments and the moments of
trials, crises, or despair. But, I
needed Him during a seemingly unimportant time: when I was sleeping. And I needed Him to function as my
hearing for me: was that too small a task for God? Was that unimportant to Him? Of course not - He, too, saw the
importance of my request and gently nudged me from my slumber exactly when my
children had needed me. I was comforted, not only by knowing
God in this whole new way, but also by finally understanding what He meant:
“Accept this, and rest in Me.” To
abide in Christ is to dwell in Him, and that includes resting in Him. That night, as I lay sleeping, I was
resting in Christ. It was a new level of intimacy with Him – relying on Him to
be my hearing when I was completely unable.
Even if my hearing was neither restored nor improved, I could abide in
Christ and trust that He would provide for my needs. Two months later, I was scheduled to
travel to Memphis for treatment. I
underwent hours of testing and learned that the Meniere’s diagnosis was
incorrect. I do have an inner ear
disorder, which can be treated using the same procedure used to treat
Meniere’s disease, but the hearing loss itself is genetic and, thus, is
untreatable. My grandfather had
been profoundly hearing impaired at a relatively young age, and my father had
been severely hearing impaired. My
hearing loss is progressive, and I will likely lose my hearing altogether within
two years. “How are you going to
home school your children?” “How
are you going to survive?” “Are
you afraid?” These are just some
of the questions others have asked me. I
am not afraid at all; I choose to abide in Christ, to rest in Him. God is both great and omnipresent. Great is a word that connotes
size, nobility, and skill. But God is also omnipresent, which places Him everywhere,
even in the smallest details of our ordinary lives. Our God is both almighty and accessible. He achieved a perfect balance, which makes Him uniquely God
to anyone who would but receive Him in truth.
Amen. “If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, you will ask what you desire, and it shall be done for you” (John 15:7) In Christ, Kimberly Cromwell
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