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Marriage Matters |
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Marriage Matters
With so many marriages ending in
divorce, I have often questioned the role of personal commitment of spouses to
the covenant of marriage. Divorce surrounds us; it has invaded our communities, our
churches, and our homes. It no
longer affects “them” – it affects “us”, those we know and love. When we have so often witnessed the pain
and heartache of divorce, the inevitable, natural response is to become
desensitized to its sting. In so
doing, though, we fail to build an internal defense against divorce within our
own marriage: that of commitment. “But our relationship has grown stale and lifeless”, you may object. We all face relational monotony within our marriage. We all experience conflict and tension from time to time. Our relationships, our moods, our circumstances, our financial statuses are constantly fluctuating. But our level of commitment must always remain steadfast. Over the years, I can recall many incidents of conflict through which my husband and I had to work, sometimes fiercely; there were times when I wasn’t sure our marriage would survive. But relationships are highly resilient and can be mended given unwavering commitment. Relational restoration often strengthens marriages and each spouse’s commitment to one another in the end. Restoration often requires mutual forgiveness; at times, it requires the forgiveness of one spouse, who has been deeply wounded by the other spouse’s transgression. Forgive the “unforgivable,” and always strive to restore your marriage rather than leave it. Jesus said the only way “out” in a marriage is if a spouse has been unfaithful. But as I have researched this more, I have found that Jesus was referring to a lifestyle of sin, not just a confessed instance of adultery from which the offending spouse has repented. Jesus was referring to a “secret life”, essentially, of homosexuality, pornography, and habitual adultery. If you can find no other reason to
remain committed to your marriage, do so for your children. I have often heard couples and
relationship experts state that remaining married for the sake of the children
is to the detriment of all involved. But
studies have consistently documented long-term, highly damaging effects of
divorce on children. Children from
broken homes are far more likely to develop physical illnesses (children living
with both biological parents are 20 – 35% more physically healthy than
children from broken homes); develop psychological problems (even when compared
to children from homes disrupted by death, children from divorced homes have
more psychological problems); experience relational problems (children of
divorce are four times more likely to report problems with peers and friends);
become sexually active (girls from a broken family are twice as likely to become
teen mothers); quit school (children from divorced parents are roughly two times
more likely to drop out of high school); attempt suicide (people who come from
broken homes are almost twice as likely to commit suicide); and commit various
crimes (70% of long-term prison inmates grew up in broken homes). Given these startling statistics and the
significance of the overall well being of our children, I can’t think of a
more noble reason to remain in a marriage than for the sake of the children. There may be no greater investment we
can make in their lives than the stability of an intact family and no better
example set than that of living out marital commitment before them. (Statistics compiled by Mike Nappa,
nappaland.com) In short, marriage matters: to our
children, to our churches, to our society, to God, and likewise, marriage should
matter to us. Marital commitment
involves a great deal of mutual effort towards maintaining and nurturing our
relationship, mending wounds where they exist, resolving sources of conflict,
and overcoming obstacles. But with
commitment, our marriage will not only survive, but also grow and develop in
strength and intimacy. Please note: none of this applies to
situations of physical abuse within a marriage.
If your spouse is physically abusing you or your children, leave
immediately. God values the
covenant of marriage, but He has a zero-tolerance policy for physical abuse, as
should we.
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